The Selfish Mayor’s Letter

THE SELFISH MAYOR’S LETTER

Inspired by Oscar Wilde’s Happy Prince

No. 54, Augsburg Ave. –

Freising, Bavaria

No 10, Augsburg Ave. –

Munich, Bavaria

20th January 1732

Dear Chief Minister,

It is with deep regret I formally write to inform thee of the most unfortunate yet unusual event that laid hither before our eyes this morrow.  The fulsome statue of the fortunate prince that once boasted the riches of gold, rubies and sapphires is now reduced to an empty block of stone looking more or less as a beggar.  While we are still at work to unravel the rogue behind this notorious deed, my councilors didst find a grotesque little swallow at his feet who shall be thrown deep into the woods presently.

We are still unsure of its exact involvement in this peculiar event yet I have presently craved the councils to work on a proclamation to prevent birds from dying by our properties but rather die on some other man’s lot.  Further, having received consent from the art professor that a statue with no gold, rubies or sapphires is of no use to us we hast melted the empty statue at the furnace presently.  Though strange that the lead heart of the prince had not melted we fared to throw it off to a dusty heap where it lays with the grotesque swallow

Now that the column remains empty my dear lord, it is up to us to decide whose statue shall replace the Happy Prince.

I wish to remind thee that it is I, as the mayor, who hast fared to end the petty struggles of this town better than any prince or mayor whom ruled ere my mayorship.  I hath ensured that every woman in this town doth not have to work for days sewing garments for the queen’s maids so they use their time and money to feed their little boys and girls with oranges and bread and buy ’em physics.  Today none of our children, men and women fend their lives with river water and hast enough income to buy food, physics and shelter and not get ill

Further to this, I hath been most lenient with our playwrights this fiscal year so they never hast to spend hours throughout the night writing scripts in the cold with brown and crisp hair and no food to eat. In fact, having discussed with the director of the theatre we were at consensus to grant ’em longer deadlines and more food as they write their scripts while entertaining the nobles, the York men and the poor at the grand theatre by dusk.

Finally, my worthy lord, I hath granted jobs to all of my citizenry so now thou won’t find a single match wench by the alleyway trying to find a couple of nickels to evade the spleen of their might fathers.  Today every man and woman, young or old, rich or poor, enjoys life as would they had rubies, sapphires and gold.

Therefore, mine dearest lord, it is with great rational justice and logical reasoning that thou inform the corporation that it is mine statue that should’st stand proudly over the kingdom of Freising where poverty is inexistent, children art not ill, jobs are enjoyed and no child hath to be beated by their enchafed father for financial reasons.  We are a kingdom of equality and I am their true hero so I sincerely crave thou to carve my statue of the finest silvery linings of platinum wire, glistening pearls to decorate my cloak and two exquisite diamonds to varnish my kind eyes.

Till I hark thy good word my lord, I shall see that the birds are expelled from our kingdom, the statue is merely melted and that the lead heart and grotesque swallow is thrown further and further into the woods into a dusty heap where it shall ne’r return back to our kingdom.

Kind regards,

Mayor of Freising